4 Traits Women Have (That Men Routinely Fall In Love With)
4 Traits Women Have (That Men Routinely Fall In Love With)
By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
“Falling in love is easy. Falling in love with the same person repeatedly is extraordinary.” - Crystal Woods
Aspasia was a famous woman in Greek history who lived during the 5th century. She wasn’t just known for her knock-out looks, but also for her beautiful mind and razor-sharp wit. More than that, her life gives us a look into how women of ancient Greece used to roll back in the day.
Originally hailing from Miletus (now known as Turkey), she came to Athens and became a courtesan to influential figures like Pericles, a well-known figure at the time. Soon enough, Aspasia made a name for herself as she got to know the crème de la crème of Greek society. Politicians, philosophers, high-rollers - and of course, love-struck men - naturally gravitated towards her. Few could resist Aspasia’s beauty and her legendary talent for thought-provoking conversation.
In fact, no less than Plato mentioned her on more than one occasion in his writings. Some scholars even argued that he based one of his fictional characters on Aspasia.
Fast forward to more than a thousand years later, and people are still talking about her. You don’t get to have that kind of historical impact without wielding some serious mojo. The natural ability to attract men is so powerful because it goes past culture, beliefs, or values.
It’s almost an unfair advantage, really. Having the RIGHT TRAITS basically gives you the power to tap into a guy’s mind…and flip his subconscious switches that tell him how ridiculously attractive you are.
And here’s the thing: those switches have been there since time began. They’re in the same category of switches that tell a guy when to eat, sleep, fight, or flee. In other words, it’s PRIMAL.
Once you trigger those instincts, he’s powerless from feeling overwhelmingly attracted to you. These attraction signals transcend history and have stood the test of time. But enough talk – let’s get down to it…
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#1: Be Classy, Not Trashy
When it comes to instincts, it’s not just about foraging for food or fighting off wild animals. Part of our brain is also designed to perceive status – and sexual attraction overlaps a great deal with that. This goes back to ancient times and being part of a group conveyed a certain status.
So someone who possessed more “social currency” than others had elated a specific psychological response. It’s not just about having actual money, mind you - although it did have a little bit to do with that. Higher status also involved other subliminal cues, like hygiene, intelligence, emotional maturity, and so on. These were signals that told men that she was an Alpha Female, so to speak.
Aspasia carried herself with grace, eloquence, and dignity. She wasn’t born into nobility, but she came out on top anyway because of these collective traits. Even though she had her share of haters back then, she let criticism roll off like water on feathers.
Women also size up potential partners in the same way, too. Masculine traits such as strength, sense of direction, and protectiveness appeal to women on a primal level. This also harkens back to the days of tribal societies. Women traditionally had to depend on the father figure to keep them safe from immediate threats like starvation or bandits.
Obviously, a LOT has changed since then, and that model doesn’t really apply anymore. But our evolutionary brains tell us otherwise. Deep inside, a part of us still needs to check off that list before we can give someone the green light. That said if you can cultivate a personality built on feminine strength, flirty playfulness, and a good old dose of class…then you’d be hard-pressed not to have a bunch of guys fighting over you.
#2: Let him see the REAL you
It’s not easy to let a guy see your softer, more sensitive side. It might feel like opening a can of worms when you’re with someone you don’t really know that well yet. But part of connecting with a man on a deeper level involves sharing things that you wouldn’t tell anyone else. And of course, I’m not saying you should launch right into your life story on the first date and bare your soul right then and there. (Believe me, that’s the kind of stuff that’ll make him excuse himself to the bathroom…then climb out the window.)
What I mean is that when you’re trying to develop an emotional bond with a guy, you can slowly reveal the deeper layers that make up who you are. Over time, you can gradually share your greatest fears, the people you looked up to as a kid, or the kind of life you want a decade from now.
If you feel that he’s met you halfway…and more importantly, EARNED the right to see that side of you…then don’t be afraid to open up to him. Time it right, and he’ll be incredibly honored that you gave him that privilege. If anything, men badly want to be accepted too, and by making the first move to put yourself out there, he’ll want to reciprocate and open himself up to you as well.
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#3: Let Him Bask In Your Femininity
When you hear the word “feminine”, you might be thinking of qualities like wearing floral dresses, speaking in a high-pitched voice, gushing about last night’s episode of “The Real Housewives of New York City” or acting…“girly.” But the real essence of this trait goes beyond the superficial or stereotypical. Being a woman in a man’s eyes is having a nuanced combination of qualities.
We’ve already covered the importance of being emotionally open in the last point, but there are a couple of others you need to know. For instance, let’s backtrack a little bit to what I said about a man’s protective instincts. Nowadays, your typical guy isn’t really concerned about keeping a lion from mauling his wife and offspring, but that mindset still exists in a different form.
Men still take pleasure in being able to take care of their loved ones. He derives a sense of accomplishment from that, and it’s even tied to his core masculinity. So if you complement that with your own feminine need to have a guy “take care of you”, he’ll be more than happy to fill that role.
I’m telling you this while being well aware that you don’t need a man to carry you through life. But I’m also saying this: if you give him the privilege to let him do it anyway…it will encourage him to do the things a guy does for his partner. And of course, this is ALL in the context of a healthy, emotionally balanced relationship. And I’m pretty sure that’s what you want.
Here’s another feminine quality: be attuned to his needs, and nurture his spirit. I can already hear some women going, “What about me? I’ve got my own needs…and I’m not about to babysit some man-child with mommy issues!” But hear me out.
Again, if you want a balanced, functional relationship (as you should), you have to understand what guys want in a partner. Many men are achievement-driven and results-oriented go-getters in their lives. From a guy’s point of view, his manliness is on the line whenever he’s out there in the big, bad, world. So at the end of the day, he wants nothing more than a loving partner who’s got his back. He needs a woman that can help him untangle that yarn ball of emotions that he himself doesn’t always understand. And most of all, he yearns for a woman who’ll ACCEPT him, shortcomings and all. If you can bring your feminine energy into the equation and heal him this way, you’ll have a devoted partner FOR LIFE. Now, there are other feminine qualities that attract men of course, but these two tend to be on the top of a man’s list.
Moving on to the last and biggest one…
#4: Don’t let him have “ALL” of you
I used to have a pet cat named Arlene (bless her furry little soul), and she had a toy mouse that would squeak once she “killed it.” The funny thing was that she quickly lost interest after she did this a few times. In her mind, she’d already satisfied her hunting instinct, so her mouse didn’t have quite have that novelty anymore.
In the same way, men have fun pursuing their partners. This is his caveman brain engaging in a social game, endlessly wanting to “dominate” his prey. I know that might not exactly sound romantic at first, but don’t take this literally. This is a symbolic need that men have, and it manifests itself in different ways.
For example, ever notice the way a guy gets more and more turned on when you give him “a hard time”? You can do this in a bunch of situations, like say, giving him a little trash talk after winning at a video game or Monopoly…
… heavily flirting with him in a very public place…
…having little inside jokes between you…
…or having a humorous conversation about the stuff you don’t agree on.
These are all little ways men “test” their partner. In his mind, he’s wondering about things like:
“Is she gonna be cool with me hanging out with the guys on the weekends? Or is she going to call every 15 minutes asking me where I am?”
“Boy, I hope she thinks my board game collection isn’t weird or anything.”
“Is it going to work if I’m vegan and she likes her steaks medium rare?”
“She’s not going to freak out when I have to work late nights once a week, will she?”
“She said she’s ‘not looking for anything serious’…how am I gonna change her mind??”
So he’ll try to find out by “playing” with you and see what other parts of your personality emerge. But more importantly, he lives for the title of being The One who “caught” you. From time to time, you can make him feel this by validating his feelings and giving him affection. But don’t overdo it and smother him with your attention all the time. For the most part, let HIM do the chasing.
Here’s another way to make him pursue you: have a life of your own outside of the relationship. Get your own thing going and spend time on the other areas of your life that keep you happy and satisfied. This reminds him that sometimes, you’re a little bit out of reach, which is how it should be. He’ll pursue you with a passion and find ways to win you over, again and again.
There are some cases though where a guy isn’t as on-board as you’d like. And as cute as he is, you kinda want to whack him on the head for being so dense. You might be even feeling a little helpless. He’s pulling away from you even after you’ve pulled out all the stops and tried every trick in the book. Well, I’m telling you right now that you haven’t tried them all.
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#6: Don’t neglect yourself
I said earlier that you shouldn’t let your passions, social life, and career slide because they make you the woman he loves. And the other side of that coin is taking care of yourself on a more basic level - mainly your looks and well-being. Now, I’m not saying he shouldn’t do the same…I just mean that you should do your part no matter what. Again, it’s on him if he’s not meeting you halfway.
But here’s the thing: men are NOT after perfection or supermodel-like features in a long-term partner. Deep inside, they know that only gets your foot in the door. In the bigger scheme of things, he just wants to know you’re making the EFFORT. That’s it!
He just needs to know you care about looking good around him and caring about yourself in general. So, that means being on top of the big three: Fitness, Health, and Fashion. Look at it this way - you’re going to have to do this whether you’re single or in a relationship. So it’s better to be up to scratch on this stuff - and get a serious partner out of it in the process!
#7: Keep him busy in the bedroom
Of course, I’m going to talk about this. I might sound a little harsh about this, but the sexual component is a non-negotiable in your relationship. Otherwise, you might end up with a good friend instead of a romantic partner. So, make him feel like he’s the hottest guy you’ve met. He knows full well he’s no Brad Pitt (but good on you if he does look like him), but it still matters to him that you DESIRE him that way. Men want to be WANTED, just like you do. And when you only have eyes for each other – he won’t look elsewhere.
For starters, don’t be afraid to get tactile with him even when you’re not doing the deed. Hold his hand in public, touch his arm often and give him a kiss before parting ways. As for the main event, communicate your desires to him when you’re in the heat of the moment. Tell him when he’s doing it right, get a bit vocal, and compliment him on his masculinity.
As far as the bigger picture’s concerned, guys aren’t after the perfect partner or relationship. They’re more interested in someone who’s just as on board as they are – and more importantly, reassures them that they’re committing to the RIGHT girl. Once your guy knows he’s making the right choice by being with you, you won’t have to worry about where you stand with him. But if you’re doing everything possible to keep your man interested and it STILL seems like he’s slipping away, you shouldn’t blame yourself. Every guy is different, and he has his reasons for withdrawing that have nothing to do with you.
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