Are You and Your Partner Speaking the Same LOVE LANGUAGE

Are You and Your Partner Speaking the Same LOVE LANGUAGE

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How many times in general conversations have you heard your partner say that they do not feel loved? You are left wondering how that can be! You make every effort to express your love for your partner through actions and deeds. You may tell them all the time that you love them. But the reality is that just because you are told that you are loved, does not mean that you feel it. 

Interracial couple kissing  I find that many of my family members end their phone conversations with “I love you.” Heard so often, at the end of every phone call, it tends to make the effect more ritualistic than meaningful, and the expression loses its value. When you say “I love you” in the moment when you truly feel a surge of love towards another may sound more heartfelt and sincere. Individuals give and receive love in diverse ways. Individuals may find a prepared dinner of their favorite food to be a more meaningful expression of love than mere words.
Not everyone responds to our expressions of love in the same way. In other words, we do not always speak the same LOVE LANGUAGE as our partner. Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, broadened my insight on the way that couples speak and understand emotional love. The more I read the more I became interested in learning his simple approach to understanding what matters to each person most when it comes to receiving love.  Young couple kissing
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 Couple-Woman in Red In his book, Chapman suggests that each partner determine their own primary love language to help his or her partner know how to show love in the most meaningful way. This is done through profiling each partner with a 30-question analysis of their emotional communication preference. Each of the statements begin with “Its more meaningful to me when…” followed by two choices alongside a letter from A to E. Each of these letters is associated with a love language. After circling each of the statements that is most meaningful to you, tabulate the number of A, B, C, D and Es to determine which of the 5 love languages you are most closely aligned with. 

So, if you have mostly A’s, your primary love language is Words of Affirmation, B means that quality time is most important to you, mostly C’s means receiving gifts is your primary love language, Acts of Service if you have mostly D’s, and Es means that your primary love language is physical touch. Scoring an equal number of points for 2 or more love languages indicates that their importance is equally weighted. After tabulating your scores separately, the couple would then come together to discuss what they have learned. Ideally, if you both speak the same love language, it is more likely for you to show love in the way you would like to receive it. So, for example, if you score highest with D’s or Acts of Service, you know how much love you feel from your partner when he offers to bring you breakfast in bed or to give you a back massage and you will show love in the same way. However, if your primary love language is quality time but your partner is hardly around, you will not feel loved, even if your partner comes home late with roses or an expensive gift.

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Although it may not be in your nature to express love in a way desired by your partner, try to do something that your partner will find more meaningful, even if it goes against your nature or if it means stepping out of your comfort zone. At the end of the day, it is not only important to know what is meaningful to you, but equally as important to know your partner’s love language so that you can try your best to show love in a way that your partner will find most meaningful. 

Is your relationship lacking in love and laughter? If so, then the time is now to act. One recipe for a healthy and lasting relationship is to keep love and laughter in the mix. Make room for moments and expressions of joy, smiles, tenderness, closeness, togetherness, respect, and consideration for each other. These are some of the building blocks of any successful relationship, and they allow two people to come together as one, nurturing and enjoying a lifetime of companionship.

Do you sometimes feel like there's no respect or consideration between you and your partner? A little bit of joy, a few smiles, and plenty of tenderness, closeness, and togetherness can be the secret ingredients to building a bond of mutual trust and understanding. Love and laughter will help bring out the best in your relationship and help to ensure that your union is strong for years to come.

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Understanding the Characteristics That Define a Healthy Romantic Relationship

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